My lips are soft,
even though I haven’t kissed
you in months.
I run my fingers gently
through them and I imagine
your fingers touching them.
My heart skips a beat
and I remember
kisses in snowy January days,
kisses in hot August nights,
kisses in 3 am and
kisses in 3 pm.
My lips carry the memory
of yours, and suddenly
my feet are not touching
the ground and I am floating.
I miss you.
Feel my cherry lips and know
they’re yours until they crack
and loneliness bleeds out.
I have embraced Solitude
and she is my friend now.
We eat together,
we sleep together,
we go on walks together,
and we write poems together.
I need Solitude as one needs
their best friend.
But sometimes I want her to
just fucking go away.
I need her to let me be with others
because I want to have other friends
She always tempts me
to be with her.
She calls my friends and tells them
that I am spending the weekend with her,
that I am going out with her
AND ONLY HER.
I love you, Solitude
but I need others
you hug me too hard and
and I suffocate
until you tell me that
you are the only one who will
love me as much.
leave me alone.
I sit on my window sill and gaze at the darkness
Fireworks bang and crackle behind the trees
Some of them are shy and some of them
And I am laughing out loud
Because I am happy
I feel every boom in my chest
And I remember how kissing you for the first time felt
Exactly like that
I love you
And the thought of kisses
Makes me melt
Here sitting on the window sill
And I melt
And I’m melting
Down the wall and onto the pavement
Where people step on me and don’t think twice
But I’m smiling
And feeling every fire
work inside me
my feet are cold
but they always are
and you know me
but I am different
now I walk barefoot around the house
and I feel everything
and I don’t care
if my feet are cold
I have turned the heating off
because I am a fire
– Z. M
I recently re-watched my favourite film of all times for the n-th time. And I came across a quote that hit me a bit too hard. Why do we always tell our stories through relationships?
Don’t get me wrong. Relationships are great. But really, why do we always talk about ourselves through our relationships. Do they determine who we really are? We are a lot more than someone’s girlfriend/boyfriend. Our identity is not defined by who we love.
I love my S.O. With all my heart. But I would hate to be known just as their S.O. Aren’t I my own person?
I’ve noticed that the people I know are getting too caught up on all their scary/everyday things happening to them, and they forget to take care of themselves.
So, I decided to write just a little reminder note.
1. Breathe. I know it’s pretty obvious, but when you notice the world breathing up your neck, and you feel like you are not able to run away – just breathe. I started doing that a few months ago, and it really does help a lot. I know you sometimes feel like you’re in a dream and the hounds are chasing you, barking behind you and their teeth threathen to rip you to pieces, and you feel like you’re on a treadmill – running but still staying in one place. I know you sometimes feel like each second the world could just collapse. Remember that it is okay. Breathe. Take your time. It clears your head and it chases the hounds away, even just for a few minutes.
2. Remember that time is not real and you are in control of everything that is happening to you. Sometimes it may seem that there is nothing you could do to make things better, but you can. Forget about time for a while. Imagine that your problems are one giant lake, but don’t be afraid to touch the surface. Instead, dive into it, dive into the lake and swim swim swim until you reach the bottom. On the way to the bottom you will find your answers, and if you don’t – you’ll at least realise how shallow the water is.
3. Take care of yourself. Make your favourite food. Eat your favourite chocolate. Have a shower. Light scented candles in your room. Don’t be worried about pampering yourself. It is necessary every once in a while. It wouldn’t make you a weak person to have a day in which everything happens just as you like it. You’ll feel better at the end of it and the world would seem a little nicer.
4. You don’t have to talk to the people you don’t like. If you find that someone doesn’t contribute to your life in any positive way – then don’t keep them in it (as obvious as that is). Not everyone understands that you’re messy on the inside, and not everyone understands that others are going through difficult times too. People tend to forget that others have feelings as well. Even you do. But that’s okay. Just don’t be around them when they have forgotten (you might hurt yourself on their edges).
So, I’m ending the post with just 4 reminders. 3 seemed too little and 5 seemed too much.
Hope everyone has a lovely week xx
As it is World Mental Health Day today, I decided to share a little cheesy poem that I’ve written not too long ago when depression had started to return back to me from its 2-year-long holiday.
I’m just a little sad
So little, that in day my heart laughs out loud
and I say “Hello” with a smile.
So little that in night no sleep is allowed,
only a pitch dark hole, which leads to My Own Misery.
I’m just a little sad.
So little, that when someone says “I love you”,
I love them back.
So little, that it’s not my blanket but the arms of you.
I’m just a little sad.
So little, that when I’m happy it’s a warning,
so I smile wider and laugh at my own tears.
So little, that when I place my feet on the ground each morning
I wish it could swallow me up and eat me whole.
I’m just a little sad.